i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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