Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i drank out of a bidet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
me + whiskey = a bad person
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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