I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
