capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
