the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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