i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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