I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize