You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
