There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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