____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
