Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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