New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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