I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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