My Higher Power is John Stamos
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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