All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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