An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
