Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i believe in u and ur pee
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
