Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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