You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
