I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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