Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
