shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
