We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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