hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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