3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
