and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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