arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
