I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
