thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
