Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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