He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
