Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
