just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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