It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
