nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
