remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
