I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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