I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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