Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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