Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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