Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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