do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
