Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
