toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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