some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Randomize
