I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
