The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I pour the whiskey from now on
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
