I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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