tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
