I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
