I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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