Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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