Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
