I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
