Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
