I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
