If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
