Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
