you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
me + whiskey = a bad person
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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