i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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