We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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