I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize