So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
