Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
