I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize