im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
