apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
