I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are the jesus of drinking
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm bleeding and have questions
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
