This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
