I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
