We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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