Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
