From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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