My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
