So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
