I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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