I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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