When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
