its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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