its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
