you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
